20100917

Solo-ution.

Dating a loaded gun is exciting, so is playing Russian roulette
quote Lucky13

This isn't a story based on real events, its a story i wrote when i think of love, its for awhile but it leaves a scar.

We wonder how happiness actually affects behavior, sudden realization tends to spoils the happiness. But it amplifies sadness, so don't think when your happy, just feel it.

As i sit on my stool staring at the snow covered trees, i keep thinking about her. I am determined to do it this time, i'm sure of it. She is finally happy with the situation, i am content to do this act just because i wanna die happy. I take a handful of sleeping aid mixing it with a cocktail. As i suddenly realize that my life will flash before me, i read the things i wrote for you.

Oh shit, i feel light headed, numbness in my chess, the room is spinning, i quickly fall with the letters in my hand crashing into the night stand. I said in my mind ' I'm sorry if i never could make you happy again, i'm glad my friend brings you happiness'. And then, darkness.

I wake up, it was like a hang over, wait. Why are there needles in me, why am i strapped to the bed, i started crying of this cruel heaven. Then a man with a flashlight rushes into the room and check my pupils and say sir, how are you? I answer, did i succeed. He injected me with something that quickly made me sleepy. I woke up next to the window thinking, this is a mental institute. I shout, "WHY, why am i here" with tears running down. Suddenly i see her.

She was crying by just looking at me, she said "Why love, WHY?! Why do this to yourself, i loved you but i was just not happy at the fact you didn't'. She stopped and cried on my shoulder, her tears soaking into my white shirt. The doctor came by asking "Did you tell him yet miss?". I stare at love and ask "What wrong?". She said "The pills nearly killed you, I saw you on the floor with your rolled back, so i called the ambulance. They tried saving you". I abruptly stopped her and said "SAVED?". She said that the doctor pumped my stomach but the pills kicked in too fast for them to save me. Now my heart is very weak and i have an estimated time to live.

I suddenly get tunnel vision, quickly followed by a thump to the head. I have fainted. I woke up to find myself in new clothes in bed with a Love sleeping on the couch. I moved to her side, kissing her gently to savor the moment, then i suddenly teared, realizing the situation. I would die to see her happy, and when she is happy, i am dying, life can't be more sarcastic.

I just laid on her lap, thinking but soon i was fast asleep. I was suddenly woken up with a sharp pain in my chest, i pressed the red button and a nurse rushed in. She said not worry, its just your heart trying its best to pump blood. I knew i didn't have much time, I knew what i must do. I had plan an evening with Love to let the memories die so it could be cherished better. I had mention to her about my plans, she said "Sure thing dear".

So i had the evening set in the common room next to the big window where I had first met her after my incident. I was excited till my chest was in pain, i waited while my heart started throbbing feeling me with adrenaline. I looked at watch that was dusty, and she was late. Suddenly, i couldn't breathe, i collapsed, and my heart hurt more than usual. I fell of chair. On the floor, i was determine to call her, so i crawled to the nearest phone, then sudden darkness.

Her side of the story; She was running late due to a date which I had introduced to Love. She was only at the main door when i was dialing her number.

The last words you say, might not be important, but it does mean something.
quote Lucky13

Sincerely,
Suicide101

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