20100926

May I?

Bottom up i shout to clear my head from this scar
quote Lucky13

I am using rage to fuel this post. So be understanding.

I died to heal.

This could either be short or a long story depending on how good is your imagination. I am not a simple person, i am not those who just wonder the earth with intentions for good. I'm confused with no purpose to live. I am the person who people turns to for help, cause i am reliable, never giving enough credit to himself therefore not happy. I am societies walking stick when they are and aren't sick.

I am the point man in which people go to for help, I am the one who answer peoples cries for help cause my heart is pure and i always see the best in others but not in me. Scenario: A friend is going through a break up and i try my best to distract the situation, i become a hypocrite just to make things better. I lie to both sides and manipulate each word to fit the others need. They get back together and what do i get, forgotten.

I was said from another that i never gave enough much credit to myself, the effort taken for each help given was never was debited to myself. Scenario: I helped a friend get back together with their beloved, but i cant seem to stop and get my life back on course. I am a plain piece of paper in which people write on, but the fact that the paper has no colour is demoralising already. The fact stands and write itself clearer than any piece of glass.

I was never the person for advice until one fateful event that quickly revamped my life and gave me a fresh slate to carry myself on. I was careful and delicate but i guess time never waits for any man. I learned it the hard way through heart break, i regretted it but loved the new mindset at the same time. It gave me more focus but more rage at the world at the same time. I am confused to be short.

Another event that could be recorded in my suddenly changed self was deceit, envy and love all in one single day. Its not a day to remember but its a day of interesting memories for it made me even more of who i fear to become. I am a monster hiding in a shell, once in a while i out grow this shell and find a new one. Once in a while, you can see the rage i hide from everyone as it hurts even those who are innocent or even immune to me.

I plot, plan and deliver my plan so i could finally stop this curse or burden weighing so heavily on my shoulder. Scenario: I would disappear from society, i would reappear. Analyse the situation and see the conclusion which eventually would lead to me disappearing forever. As i would say "I am societies walking stick, the will realize that they won't need me anymore once a permanent cure is found".

I was a doctor who prescribed love and hate at the same time as medicine. Now i haunt those who once used me just to remind themselves that i've had worse. I watched and slowly would make move by living in their shadow. I would wonder in the dreams when they sleep, provoking suicidal thoughts and regret in them. I want them to remember and realize that it was them who needed me just to wake up in the morning with a new meaning in life.

I would let hope guide those who i cherished, loved and cared for. But i always kept a leash to remind them this world we live in isn't so innocent as they hoped. I reminded these people that removed me in their life that without me, they would be lost in their dream and die of a pityful painful death. I wished for them to smile on a bright glittery star but somehow that wish soon faded with every laugher of sin. Innocence in every will soon fade no matter who they are.

I am in every ones mind, in their hearts, whether its their friend who helped them. I am not karma, not God but a friend of faiths. I am their conscience.

Kill the lucky13,
Kiss his grave shut,
Bury him six feet under,
Break his heart to remember.
quote Lucky13

Twisted, demented and confused in which i see no light in the distance,
Lack of faith keeps me shadow in sin and lust for reckless endangerment,
Keep the blood pumping, the mind thinking, so i could jump this fence,
So i could kill myself and never risk loves department.
quote Lucky13

Sincerely,
PureRage.

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