Solitude.

Star fell accordingly, thats when wishes do come true.

quote Lucky13

His reality is not what it seems and his dreams control him, i Schizo patient with a possessive obsession of control towards mind. This is his story, or his dream.

Every patient remembers his first delusion, it was when i was walking on burnt charcoal and heard a demonic scream. His shoulder was bearing a tremendous load, his eye dried cause of heat from the ground. He wonders off into revert animation, its either i'm sleep walking or discovered a new portal to a certain level of hell. I saw mountains of bodies, rivers of blood and heard deafening shouts for help. I soon enough woke up, not realizing the difference between reality and a paranoid subconscious.

I would have the same dreams for days, waking up in my own pool of sweat. I started thinking of disturbing images like: The end of days with torture being the meal of the day, a disfigured child having sweet revenge towards his drug abusing mother and the images of the Anti-Christ in everyones shadows. I would speak clearly, then preached of an upcoming event, predicting everyones future within a blink and mutter till i had a seizure. My mum noticed the difference by the glare of my eyes, me screaming at everyone who touched me. The doctor diagnosed with Schizophrenia due to the high levels of dopamine in my mesolimbic pathway.

My whole world change that day, but the sudden realization of me getting away of murder is somehow disturbing but pleasing at the same time. I was insisted to be admitted to the loony bin but i threatened to burn it down the first day i got there. I was a flight risk, got pulled out of school, less contact to the outside world cause of my sudden outbursts towards civilians. Whether it was beating them senselessly because they claim to be Lucifer or seeing ghost in the middle of the day. When i was in my neutral state of mind, I heard that the possibility of cure was not to be hoped for. I turned red the world was victim, i nearly killed a man working in a convenient store cause he looked at me wrong.

I had no interest in pleasing anyone, whether its my ill-hearted mother or the priest that tried to bless me and rid of the devil me. I would curse at them for touching me or even smile at me. I saw their smiles as a big sign that says "I'm gonna kill you tonight". My paranoia got the best of me, it drove me crazy. I would lock myself in my room with no food or light and just reflect on my visions. It would be the same dream everytime, an eclipse follow by Armageddon and the Race war that would rid of the world population to a small number in the millions. I drew my depictions or wrote of them.

My world was behind a wall with nothing entering my mind, no knowledge processable its not what i heard but what i wanted to hear to relief me. Stubborn, wreckless, indecisive, paranoid and delusional was my brain process that made me pull my hair till i was bleeding from scalp. I would savor every drop of blood as a gift from myself to myself to satisfy myself. I never saw myself curable and somehow i was happy and confused.

The mind is a game in which you are the host, player and cheater.

quote Lucky13

Misreading gestures integrates me,

I break down with shattering consequences,

Whether manner was right nor wrong,

I see the right in every wrong possible.

quote Lucky13

Sincerely,

PatrioticSchizophrenic.